Self-Mockery
by Ever Winter Wood
Summary: It's Christmas time and the Teen Titans are hosting a huge party. When Beast Boy and Speedy get talking about Raven, Speedy discovers things he never would have that possible.


**Disclaimer: **I do not own the Teen Titans, nor do I own the song used in this Fanfiction.

"YEAH!" Beast Boy screeched, jumping up and down to the Christmas music pouring through Robin's special speakers. Everytime anyone got too close to them Robin snarled ferociously, causing Beast Boy to burst out into party-high giggles. Of course, they were superheroes, so drugs and alcohol were forbidden from the Tower, but Beast Boy was—well—_Beast Boy._ Speedy really couldn't expect anything else from the green bean.

The red-headed arched frowned to himself as he observed his friends partying. Everyone was either moving around wildly or standing in small groups chatting animatedly. Although Speedy loved parties, he couldn't help but feel Christmas Eve was special, and shouldn't be treated with _just_ eardrum-bleeding music. It should be more conservative, sharing it with family and friends and perhaps a few poor acquaintances to show them you care. There should be some peppy music, but more soft and beautiful and classic playing gently through the speakers, or being sung and played on the piano by a family member. Someone should tell a few Christmas stories, maybe even tell the story about the birth of Jesus. You should have ham or turkey, and mashed potatoes with gravy, and fresh rolls and cottage cheese and corn and—and… Ah, but who was he kidding? None of them would ever be able to cook like his first family had, he seriously doubted anyone would ever agree to put on or sing such music, and if anyone here new classic Christmas tales, let alone the entire story of Jesus's birth, Speedy would be astounded. He would just have to make do with Christmas rock and ten tons of pizza for now. Sighing, Speedy sat up straighter and smiled, trying to make it look like he was having more fun than he actually was.

"Hey, Speedster!" someone yelped from beside him on the couch. Turning his head, Speedy glared at the offending hero—Beast Boy, of course.

"My name is _not _Speedster," Speedy grumbled, just barely suppressing a humane growl. Few things _really_ irritated the archer, but nicknames that came from "Speedy" were one of them. Beast Boy waved him off and grinned excitedly.

"So, what's got your boxers in a twist?" he asked, raising an eyebrow. Speedy groaned. Apparently, his act had not been very good. If _Beast Boy_, of all people, noticed it, then the others surely had as well. He sighed and crossed his arms, plastering that painful, fake smile to his face again. "Nothing; I'm fine," he insisted, shrugging. Beast Boy looked him over for another moment before shrugging as well. They both sat in silence for a full forty-three _precious_ seconds (Speedy was positive; he was in awe counting them) until Beast Boy suddenly broke the silence.

"You know, you remind me of Raven sometimes."

Speedy started, whipping his head around and staring at Beast Boy with widened eyes. "You think _I'm_ like _her_? I'm Mister Parties-and-One-Night-Stands-and-Carefree-Workdays. She's Miss Prim-and-Proper-Emotionless-Ice-Queen-with-a-Literal-Temper-From-Hell. How on _earth_ are we similar?"

Beast Boy smiled widely. "You just said what you have in common. No one is completely carefree and happy, just like no is completely emotionless. They're both just two different ways to hide your real feelings, so you can pretend like nothing can hurt you. And then when you do get hurt, you brush it off and try to avoid it, but that just makes to pain worse and more drawn-out in the end."

Speedy's mouth fell open and he began choking on air. When had Beast Boy gotten so… _wise_? Speedy shuddered at the thought, but then what Beast Boy had said really began to sink in. Speedy prided himself in few areas (that weren't physical), but his honesty was one of them. Was he lying to himself, trying to pretend like nothing could hurt him? It would make sense, because every time he _did _get hurt he tried to act like nothing was wrong, that he hadn't just had his heart shattered, that pain was completely out of his league because he was just so carefree and happy. And if Raven tried the same thing by saying she literally had no emotions… Speedy's perspective on Raven was changing, slowly but surely. So she wasn't just a prissy, temper-prone, emotionless woman. She was really a lot like he was—hurt, but unwilling to say so in a desperate and futile attempt to stop the pain.

Speedy blinked thoughtfully, and realized Beast Boy was staring at him quizzically. "Beast Boy," he began slowly, "how do you know this?"

Beast Boy seemed to shrink inside himself for a moment before smiling somewhat bitterly. "Dude, I said no one is completely carefree and content. Nothing is what it seems." Then suddenly the self-mocking grin was gone and in its place was the happy-go-lucky Beast Boy once again. "So, anything funny happen over at Titans East lately?"


End file.
